This is the "Frequently Asked Questions and Answers" mailing/posting for fans of "Mystery Science Theater 3000". It was originally written in the summer of 1991, and has been revised from time to time since then. You should probably check the date in the "Version" line above to make sure the copy you're reading is reasonably up-to-date before sending corrections. Speaking of which, corrections should be mailed to:
rsk@gynko.circ.upenn.edu
AND should have a "Subject:" line that indicates that the message contains corrections to the MST3K FAQ.
---Rsk
Q. What it's all about, really?
A. MST3K is "Mystery Science Theater 3000", a program carried by "Comedy Central", which in turn is carried by various cable companies here and there. (MST3K was originally picked up by "The Comedy Channel", which merged with "Ha!", changed its name to "CTV" and then to "Comedy Central".) The idea of the show is simple: pick really bad movies (e.g. "Gamera", "Daddy-O", "Cave Dwellers", "Fugitive Alien", etc.) and heckle them. There are two elements that make it fascinating...
1. The cast of characters. Our hero, Joel, has been blasted into space by his bosses at the Gizmonic Institute, who are actually subjecting him to these films in order to assess his reactions. Joel, a pleasant enough fellow, has constructed Tom Servo, Crow, Gypsy, and Cambot from various pieces of his spacecraft in order to have someone to share his plight. Unfortunately, in putting them together, he used up the parts that control when the movies begin and end...
Back on earth, Dr. Clayton Forrester and his henchman Frank select each week's film and inflict it on Joel and his robot friends...who respond by unmercifully shredding it from beginning to end. We watch the whole movie sitting in the theater behind them...except for the portions surrounding some of the commercial breaks where they do parodies, annoy Frank and Clayton, etc. (Their microproduction of the Wagner/Sandy Frank epic "Gameradamnerung" was terrific.)
2. The heckling is good. REALLY good. What makes this worth watching is that their heckling comments draw from such a diversity of sources; in a five-minute stretch one recent Saturday, they referenced "This is Spinal Tap", "Moby Dick", "2001", the Wall Street Journal, Don King, Buddha...and more. The writers for this show are incredibly culturally literate -- and they keep in touch with current affairs as well. Think of them as smart-asses who read the New York Times; you have to be mentally nimble to follow some of their comments.
MST3K is the funniest thing I've seen on television since the original Saturday Night Live (circa late 70's). Watch it. Tape it. Heckle it.
Q. How do you join the fan club?
A. Send a check for $5 (payable to "Best Brains, Inc.") to:
MST3K Information Club
PO Box 5325
Hopkins, MN 55343
If you don't have the order form (a yellow flyer with the membership number) you should also consider sending a letter along which mentions specifically that you not only want your Life Survival Action Kit but you also wish to have your name and address entered in the information club as well.
If you're in Minnesota, add 6.5% sales tax.
Q. What do you get if you join the club?
A. You get the MST3K Life Survival Kit, which may or may not contain the following items:
A piece of paper enclosing several other sheets, marked "Classified - contains top secret MST 3000 Fan club material". When you unfold it, the inside is the "MST 3000 'MOVIE SIGN' Home Viewing Simulator (MSHVS)", which has the familiar picture of theater seats and Joel and the bots at the bottom, with the instructions :
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Cut out.
2. Place on your TV screen.
3. Gather your favorite pals.
(Or build them out of spare parts.)
4. Look for a goofy movie or dumb TV show.
5. Say stupid (and clever) things.
The sheets contained inside are:
A list of episodes for seasons 1 and 2, e.g. the MST3K
Experiment Guide with the lyrics to the Love Theme on the
other side.
The MST3K Technical Journal Vol 1 No 1 and Vol 1 No 3, and/or
some technical updates.
"Spark-O!" The best brains wacky rolling action figure (a really
crude cut-out that you're supposed to tape together and put on
top of a marble)
The MST3K Price Rebel Icon merchandise temple catalogue, which includes
such items as the MST3K Fluid Containment Vessel (a MST3K mug),
the Mad Scientist Clock, the MST3K Official Command Cap
the MST3K Bumper Stickler (a clear sticker that has the logo and
"MOVIE SIGN" in black, the MST3K Life Survival Kit, T-shirts
(S, M, L, XL), and Fan Photos:
- Joel, Tom, Crow, and Gypsy on the Satellite of Love
- Dr. Forrester and Frank in Deep 13
(note: autographs are not real...they are part of the photo)
Mail separately, you'll get:
Your official MST3K fan club certificate, which is a full 8 1/2 by 11
Your official MST3K fan club card, attached to a yellow neon flyer.
The text on the flyer reads:
"This is your MST3K MEMBERSHIP CARD.
Display it proudly, carry it always.
Keep it close to your heart, because
if you keep it in your back pocket it
will get all sweaty and yucky and
start to come apart and you won't
want to show it to anyone. Or, you
could take it to one of those places
at the bus station that have those
neat laminating machines and make it
way cool. Or, don't. See if we
care. In any case thanks for being a
new member."
The card itself is 3 5/8" wide by 2 3/8" tall (if you cut on the
dotted lines) and is quite suitable for carrying in a wallet.
The card bears the image of an atom (generated by computer) as
well as the legend "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 FAN CLUB.
"This certifies that (space for name), is an official member of the
Mystery Science Theater 3000 Fan Club. Member# (space)."
A year's subscription to the MST3K Satellite News (formerly The
Binding Polymer), with letters and interviews, merchandise order
forms, etc.
You'll also be on Comedy Central's mailing list of MST3K fans. You'll get notices about schedule changes, offers from Best Brains, Inc., discounts on the merchandise above (e.g. T-shirts), and other goodies.
Q. What are the lyrics to the opening song?
A. "Love Theme from M.S.T. 3000"
In the not-too-distant future,
Next Sunday A.D.
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different from you or me.
He worked at Gizmonic Institute,
Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
He did a good job cleanin' up the place,
But his bosses didn't like him,
So they shot him into space.
We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst we can find (la la la).
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his mind (la la la).
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the movies begin and end (la la la),
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends.
Robot Roll Call: (Let's go) [ Some debate on "let's go" ]
Cambot (Pan left)
Gypsy (Hi girl)
Tom Servo (What a cool guy)
Crooooooooooow (Wisecracker)
If you're wond'ring how he eats and breathes,
and other science facts (la la la),
Then repeat to yourself,
"It's just a show, I should really just relax
for Mystery Science Theater 3000..."
(c) Best Brains Inc., for sticklers.
Q. Didn't the lyrics change?
A. Yup, they used to be different. We're not exactly sure what they are yet, but something like:
In the not-too-distant future,
Ten Thousand, A.D.
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different from you or me.
He worked in a satellite loading bay,
Just polishing switches to pay his way,
He did his job well with a cheerful face,
But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space.
We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst ever made,
Joel says when you have lemons
You make lemonade,
Now keep in mind he can't control
When the movies begin or end,
Because he used those (extra?) parts to make his robot friends.
Robot Roll Call:
Cambot
Gypsy
Tom Servo
Crooooooooooow
If you're wond'ring how he eats and breathes,
and other science facts (la la la),
Then repeat to yourself,
"It's just a show, you should really just relax
for Mystery Science Theater 3000..."
Q. How 'bout an episode guide?
A. Well, here's one in progress. It's an attempt to list each episode, including any short films, skits, inventions, etc.
First (KTMA) Season ("blue set", 1988-89) ----------------------------------------- November 24, 1988 Thunderbirds in Outer Space
November 24, 1988 Revenge of the Mysterions
November 27, 1988 Invaders from the Deep
Second (KTMA) Season ("red set", 1988) -------------------------------------- All 7 Gamera films City on Fire The Last Race Time of the Apes Fugitive Alien Death at the Super Bowl Death Flight
(???) A Japanese super-submarine/team picture, probably "Mighty Jack"
(???) Space 1999 film
The first film was two episodes from the second season. One
of which was the introduction of Maya(?)....the woman who
transforms into animals. I would guess the second half of
the film was the second episode of the second season.
(???) Space 1999 film
Two episodes from the second season that form one story. The
plot is that that a bunch of aliens arrive disguised as earth
people and only the Commander can see through the disguise.
(I'm not sure if this was an MST 3000 film or not).
May 7, 1989 (unknown movie with Frankie Avalon)
Skits: Idio probes, Servo judged, "Love Theme"
Post: Servo's mouth doesn't work/900 in fan club
May 14, 1989 Hanger 18
Pre: Joel introduces movie
Skits: Crow gets spanking, Crow's memory cleanup, Crow's first memory
Post: 1,000 fan club member will win Demon Dog
May 21, 1989 The Last Chase
Pre: Dr. F tries to make cold fusion work in Larry's mouth
Skits: humanity lesson for the 'bots, winner of 1,000 fan club
member, fan club letter
First (Comedy Central) Season (1989-90) ---------------------------------------
101 The Crawling Eye
Pre: Larry not good in disguise
Inventions: J: Electric bagpipe MS: Canine Pineal Gland Serum
Skits: Head games, Gypsy uncoiled, The Crawling Forrest Tucker
Post: Name good thing/bad thing for RAM chip
102 The Robot vs The Aztec Mummy (Commando Cody part 1)
Pre: Dr. F blew up mad convention center/improved security at Deep 13
Inventions: J: Air-bag helmet for motorcyclists MS: Chalk-man
Skits: Servo will save us from the demon dogs, Enoch leader
of demon dogs, Crow tries to be Enoch
Post: Joel sends demon dogs to fetch
103 Mad Monster (Commando Cody part 2)
Pre: How MS went mad
Inventions: J: Hell in a Handbag MS: Acetyline-powered lizard
Skits: Tom tries to pick up a blender
Stupid questions about werewolves
Joel switches Crow's and Tom's heads: Servo-Crowatian.
"Beverly Hillbillies" song parody
Post: Ontological discourse
104 Women of the Prehistoric Planet
Pre: Joel is a talk-show host (who?)
Inventions: J: Toilet Paper in a Bottle MS: Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn
Skits: Joel -- this is your life
Isaac Asimov's Literary Doomsday Device
Duplicate Isaac Asimovs
Post: Avocado Boy names - winner of the brainstorm
105 Corpse Vanishes (Commando Cody part 3)
Pre: Forrester gives Larry Foundation Trilogy Gift Set
Inventions: J: Chiro-Gyro MS: Flame Flower
Skits: "Tiger-Bot" issue on Data
Game of Tag
At the barbershop
Post: Name good thing/bad thing for a RAM chip/Servo's head explodes
106 The Crawling Hand
Pre: Joel explains show
Inventions: J: Safety Saw MS: Limb Lengthener
Skits: Let's play murder ball!
Shatner choking
What can a hand do?
Post: Name a Good thing and a Bad Thing about this movie for a RAM chip
Inventions: MS: For men (but women like it, too) J: Cereal Novels
Skits: Any excuse for a parade
What would you do if you were indestructible?
Lon Chaney eye thing
Post: Affidavit to stop cop donut jokes/MS get noise ticket
410 Hercules Against the Moon Men
Pre: Crow and Servo run away from home/sand storm/DEEP HURTING!
Inventions: J: Freak out MS: <none> (woven into tapestry of the movie)
Skits: Boobie trap, 'Bots get implants/new tough-guy name, "Pants!"
Post: Changing actors
411 The Magic Sword
Pre: Joel is caricaturist
Inventions: J: Big Gulperets MS: Bio-hazard Clean-up Pillow
Skits: Basil Rathbones (for dogs)
Life in the Middle Ages
"Ode on Estelle"
Post: Curses on TV
412 Hercules and the Captive Women 413 Manhunt in Space 414 Crash of the Moons 415 The Beatniks 416 Charo 417 Firemaidens from Outer Space 418 Tormented
lawn reindeer (upside down), front of a castle-shaped action
toy playset (name unknown).
Right Side of Bridge: Many, many toy horns and trumpets, many,
many heart-shaped containers, 2 jello molds, 2 plastic baseball
bats, plastic dish drain rack, another Playschool shape-ball,
toy fencing sword, plastic ladle, plastic toy shovel, toy boat,
toy crane, rubber brontosaurus, toy guitar or ukelele.
Q. How come Tom Servo can't walk, but can sometimes move down the seats
in the theater? (Just Relax :-)
A. Tom Servo's means of locomotion is a hoverskirt; there's a heating grate on the way in to the theater that Joel has to carry Tom over. This is mentioned in passing as they're walking out of the theater during one of the earlier episodes (with Josh Weinstein).
Q. If I want to show some of the episodes to a group, what do I do?
A. To get permission to screen episodes in a public or semi-public situation, call the following person:
Joe Lyons MST3K Publicist (212) 408-8432 at Comedy Central
HBO controls the showing of the episodes under their contract with BBI, so they're the ones you'll have to talk to.
Q. What is "Play MST for Me?
A. It's a videotape made available for members of the fan club only. It contains songs from the various MST3K experiments.
Q. What are the differences between seasons 1 and 2?
A. The #2 mad scientist is Frank instead of Larry. Tom Servo's voice is different. The opening set is a larger model. The spaceship launch is more elaborate. The opening credits contain different clips. SOL backgroup is 3D instead of painted set. Robot Roll Call has identifying letters instead of
Joel staring into the camera. Cambot is different. Joel can be seen wearing different colored jumpsuits. Joel no longer eats grapes after hitting buttons.
Q. Where have I heard "Satellite of Love" before?
A. The Jerry Lewis Telethon people call the satellite the "Satellite of Love". It's also the title of a song first recorded by Lou Reed, and about to be covered by U2.
Q. What are the words to the Weinerman song?
A. I know a wienerman,
He owns a wiener stand.
He sells most anything
From hot dogs on down.
Some day I'll be his wife.
We'll eat wieners all our lives.
Hot Dog! I love that wienerman!
Q. What are some of the running gags/most often used lines?
A planet where apes evolved from men? (Planet of the Apes) Aaaugh! Don't DO that! Again with the finger! (The Sunshine Boys) All over the world! Ooo! Am I a CLOWN?! Do I AMUSE YOU?! (GoodFellas) Animals vill be bred und SLAUGHTERED! (Dr. Strangelove) And now Red in the Silent Spot. (old Red Skelton routine) And there, on the door handle, was a HOOK! (Traditional campfire story) Are you known for your work in the theater? (What's My Line?)
B-doom Shing! (Comedy rimshot) Bad Touch! (various anti-child-abuse films) Before this decade is out we will put a man on the moon. (John F. Kennedy) Bird, LIVES, man! (i.e. Charlie Parker) Bite me. Busted! By this time my lungs were aching for air. (Lloyd Bridges' Sea Hunt)
Charlie, they took my thumbs! (The Pope of Greenwich Village) Chicka-chicka Bwomp Bwomp! Chicka-chicka Bwomp Bwomp! (porno music) Chief! McCloud! (McCloud) Chili peppers burn my gut. (Side Hackers) Chopper always leaves you laughing. Ha haha ha ha ha ha
Dibs! I got dibs! I said it first! Do you find me pleasing? Do I please you? (Star Trek, TOS; might also
be from the "public speaking" short on MST3K) Do you want to go faster? (Yea!) Raise your hands if you want to go
faster! (Yea!) Does this bug you? I'm not touching you. (Any five-year-old, or maybe
from a Wayne Cotter routine) Don't look at me! Don't you look at me! Mommy! MOMMY! (Blue Velvet) Don't you do it! (An Officer and a Gentleman) Dweezle Dwyzle Dwazle Dwome. Time for this one to come home. (Tooter the Turtle)
Game over, man! (Aliens) Get these spiders offa me! Get your hands off me, you damn, dirty ape! (Planet of the Apes) Go to bed, old man! (Star Trek...maybe "Cat's Paw"?) Good night and may God bless! (Red Skelton) Gymkata! (Gymkata)
Have a little fire, Scarecrow! (Wizard of Oz) He asked me! He asked me! (Monty Python) He is one weird mamma jamma. He tried to kill me with a forklift... (Fugitive Alien I) Heeeey! It's the Undersea Kingdom for you and for me and it's fiiiiiine!
(Crash Corrigan and the Undersea Kingdom) Hellooooooooo, Baaaaaaaaby! (The Big Bopper) Hello, Cleveland! Rock and roll! (Spinal Tap) Hello, Shoil! (Laverne & Shirley) Hi-Keeba! (Women of the Prehistoric Planet) Honk! Shoo! Mimimimimimi! (Three Stooges snore--Moe, Larry, and Shemp) Hooker's a good cop! (TJ Hooker) Hot and spicy! Texas Style! How fortunate! This will simplify everything! (The Phantom Creeps,
Episode 2, a la Bela Lugosi) Hurts, don't it? Tell your friends. (Roadhouse) Huzzah! (Ren Fest, or other renaissance festival)
I *WILL* kill him! (Sting, from Dune) I am Kirok! (Star Trek, TOS) I am not an animal! I am a human being! (A Man Called Horse) (and
maybe "Elephant Man" too; anybody know for sure?) I can't turn it off! I don't know how it works! (variation on...) I can't bring it back! I don't know how it works! Goodbye, folks! (Wizard of Oz) I could sure go for some charbroiled hamburgers and french-fried potatoes.
(Jungle Goddess) I do I do I DO believe in spooks! (Wizard of Oz) I don't think sooo. I got nowhere else to go! (An Officer and a Gentleman) I had Jello today. I like you--that's why I'm going to kill you last. (Commando) I'll harm you! (Joe Besser) I'm Batman (Batman) I'm a Grimwold Warrior! (Saga of the Viking Women and... you know) I'm comin' Beanie Boy! (Beanie and Cecil) I'm coming 'Liz'beth! (Sanford and Son) I'm dead now. Please don't smoke. (Yul Brenner, ALA commercial) I'm feeling really good. (Gamera vs. Guiron) I'm going to give you such a pinch! (Joe Besser) I'm going to kill you! Why? Because you're going to die!"
(various James Bond movies) I'm huge! (Cave Dwellers) I'm hysterical, and I'm wet, and I'm in pain! (The Producers) I'm made of liquid metal. (T2, a la Ahnold) I'm the god! I'M THE GOD! (Twilight Zone, "The Little People") I'm your boyfriend now! Blabblabblabblah! Interesting--but STUPID! (Laugh-in) It hurts! It really hurts! Is it safe? (Marathon Man) It is balloon! (F Troop) It puts the lotion on its skin. (Silence of the Lambs) It stinks! [w/ OK hand gesture] (Pod People) It was faaaaabuloooous! It's hot and it hurts and stuff. (Bactine commercial) It's my way or the highway. (Roadhouse) It's the Sunday Mystery Movie! Oooeeeooo! OooEEEooo!
Jimmy Smitts (Switch) Join us! Just KILL it! Don't PLAY with it! Just shakin' the bushes, boss. (Cool Hand Luke)
Koyaaaaanisqatsiiiiiiii!! (Koyaanisqatsi)
Little pants! Look into your heart! (Miller's Crossing)
Mazola corn goodness... (Mazola commercial) McCloud!!! (McCloud) MMMMMMMMENDOOOOOOOZAAAAAAAA!! (McBain, The Simpsons) Mm-HMMMMmmmm, that's good weed! (Carson, a la Art Fern) Mommy! Mommy! Don't look at me! I said never look at me!
(Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet) My mother was a saint! (Public Enemy #1)
N Y P D (NYPD) Nice tag! Nice swoon. Noooo!! (Cave Dwellers) No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die. (James Bond)
Oh, I'd hate to shoot a butt like that. Oh, the pain, the pain... (Lost In Space) Ohhhh, lady! (Jerry Lewis) Oil Can! Oil Can! (Wizard of Oz) Oops, sorry! That was me... Ouch! I fell on my keys. (Wayne's World/The Producers)
Pepperidge Fa-ahm remembahs. (Commercial) Puma? Puma! (Ring of Terror)
Saaaaaaay! Saigon. I can't believe I'm still in Saigon. (Apocalypse Now) Seen it! (Hated it! Taped it!) Serpentine! (The In-Laws) Skipper! Little buddy! (Gilligan's Island) SLEEP! Smuckers jellies and jams... Spock! Spock! (Star Trek, TOS) SuperCaaaaar! SuperCaaaaar! (The old "Supercar" show)
Thank you, I'll be here all week. Enjoy the buffet! (generic lounge singer) Thank you, (Tommy Kirk/Eugene Castle/etc.) for making us laugh at
(love/winter/etc.) again. That's what I'm asking. I don't know! THIRD BASE! (Abbott and Costello) The horror! The horror! (Apocalypse Now, and Joseph Conrad's
"Heart of Darkness" on which it was based.) The Invaders/The Time Tunnel/etc. In color! This is a Woozle. His name is Peanut. (Jeff Dunham Routine) This is not my beautiful wife/house! (Talking Heads, "Once in a Lifetime") This is the grandest of all! (Jack Perkins) This is this. (Phantom Creeps 1) This square bugs me! He really bugs me! (Wild Rebels) This was no boating accident. (Jaws) Throw me the whip! Throw me the idol! (Raiders of the Lost Arc) Thunderbirds are go! (Thunderbirds in Outer Space) Tonight on Emergency 911 (Emergency 911) Tonight, on a very special Trapper John, MD Top of the world, ma! (James Cagney in WHITE HEAT) Turned around and the hitchhiker was GONE! (urban legend; see also
"Hold On, It's Coming" by Country Joe and the Fish, circa 1971)
Wah, wah, wah, wah, waAaAaAaAaAaAa! (generic cartoon/sitcom sax) Wanna go to Lou's Place? Ooo-hoo LOU! Warriors, come out and play! (The Warriors) Watch out for the backdraft. (Backdraft) Water, the source of all life! (any nature special) We're gonna get a bigger boat, right? (Jaws) We're having an adventure--just like the Goonies! We're outta the dark; we're outta the woods; we're outta the niiiiiight...!
(Wizard of Oz) Welcome to Death Valley Days. The driver is either missing or he's
dead. (Ronald Reagan, Death Valley Days) Well it was about this time the Ol' Duke Boys... (Dukes of Hazzard) What about Scarecrow's brain? (The Wizard of Oz) What would McGyver do? What we have here is a failure to communicate (Cool Hand Luke) What's that, boy? Daddy's hurt? Down in deadrock canyon? (Lassie) When you're a jet, you're a jet all the way, man! (West Side Story) Works every time.
Xanadu, stately home of Charles Foster Kane. Cost, no one can say.
(Citizen Kane)
You... are going... to die! Because I... am going... to KILL you! You and your friends are the only creeps around this place. (Wild Rebels) You *will* bow down before me! (Superman) You did it! You finally did it, Damn you all to hell! (Planet of the Apes) You die Joe! (generic Pacific-theater World War II movie) You go; I'm bitter. (Seven Samurai?) You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile.
(Talking Heads, "Once in a Lifetime") You must sink the Bismarck. (Sink the Bismarck) You're not my real father! (Star Wars?) You've broken ape law. (Planet of the Apes) You've made the grade and the papers want to know whose shirts you wear!
(Davie Bowie, "Space Oddity")
Zack Norman is Sammy in Chief Zabu. (old Variety ad)
Q. Is there an anonymous FTP site that archives this stuff?
A. Yepper! Anonymous FTP site info:
Location: "syrinx.umd.edu" or "128.8.2.114"
Directory: mst3k/images
GIFs of Tom Servo (and other MST3K folks) available:
cambot.gif - Joel with cambot in the mirror
croooow!.gif - the wisecracker himself
crowjoel.gif - in the theater from the opening credits
gizmonic.gif - the grounds of the venerable institute
gypsy.gif - Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart!
Q. Well, I'd like to have some more images (I have disk space to burn!); how can I get them?
A. Well, they're available via anonymous FTP at:
isis.dccs.upenn.edu (130.91.16.6)
in the "pub/mst3k" directory. The shots were made by Donald Cotnoir-Strong, and provided by pat@fitz.b17d.ingr.com (Patrick Fitzgerald).
The images available at that site are:
Filename Description --------------- ---------------------------------------- afterord.jpg Crow, Joel, and Tom Servo (after Tom's head blew up) anotherf.jpg Joel, just another guy in a red jumpsuit. bighead.jpg Crow, Joel (with "Big Head"), and Tom Servo bosses.jpg Dr. Forrester & Frank, nice green tint cambot.jpg Cambot (in mirror) and Joel classydu.jpg Crow and Tom Servo all dressed up croooow!.jpg Crow, from the robot roll call crowandt.jpg Crow and Tom Servo crowjoel.jpg Crow, Joel, and Tom Servo in theater (poor quality) crowshat.jpg Crow in "Shatner mode" (poor quality) dressedu.jpg Joel, Crow, Tom Servo, and Gypsy, all dressed up drummach.jpg The BGC19 drum machine gizmonic.jpg Gizmonic Institute. gypsy.jpg Gypsy, from the robot roll call lalala.jpg Dr. Forrester & Frank, singing lalala. mst3k.jpg Planetoid with Mystery Science Theatre 3000 logo. mst3k_mon.jpg Montage: mst3k.jpg, bosses.jpg, robotfri.jpg, drummach.jpg nottoodi.jpg Joel tipping hat (not too different from you or me) robotfri.jpg Joel making his robot friends (Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy) robotrol.jpg Joel holds up the "Robot Roll Call" sign servodyi.jpg Joel holding Tom Servo after his head exploded servohur.jpg Closeup of Tom Servo's exploded head snapout.jpg Joel hits Crow to get him to snap out of Shatner mode tickleba.jpg Joe, Tom Servo, and Crow demonstrate the tickle bazooka tomservo.jpg Tom Servo, from the robot roll call turkeyda.jpg Turkey Day logo witafork.jpg Joel demonstrates killing Ken with a toy forklift.
Q. How can I get to view episodes I don't have?
A. Post your request to the newsletter; we're all circulating the tapes. Alternatively, you might want to try sending mail to someone else on the mailing list (check the "From:" lines) who has commented on the particular show you want -- they probably have the tape.
Q. What is the "Satellite of Love Newsletter"?
A. It's an electronic newsletter that started in the late summer of 1991 to provide a way for fans of the show to communicate with each other. Issues come out erratically, although the editor has been heard mumbling something about "twice a month" recently, so this might actually represent some thinking about a semiregular schedule. In any event, the items in the newsletter are contributed by its readers, of which there are several hundred.
Q. How do I submit items to the newsletter?
A. Send mail to "rsk@gynko.circ.upenn.edu" with the keywords "MST3K", "SOLN" or "MST 3000" or "Mystery Science" on the "Subject:" line. (Doesn't matter where on the subject line, as long as they're present. This will cause the program that files my mail to put your letter in my mst3k folder.)
Q. How do I get back issues of the newsletter?
A. Check the anonymous FTP site at syrinx (see above), or drop me a line; I'll probably automate this at some point.
Q. Does Best Brains allow visits or provide tours?
If you're going to be in the Minneapolis area and would like to visit Best Brains (in Eden Prairie), there are some things you should be aware of.
1. YOU MUST CALL FIRST! TOURS ARE ONLY BY APPOINTMENT, and they sometimes try to setup more than one group at a time if they are small. Also, Best Brains works on an 8 day production schedule (which does not include the weekend), and they only give tours now on Fridays when they aren't shooting the video for an episode (these are the "writing" days). This causes their free time to "rotate", and means that the actually available day for a tour is somewhat unpredictable.
They are very busy people during production days. Since tours occur once or twice a month, you'll need to call at least 3-4 weeks in advance to arrange your appointment (and call them a few days before you intend to arrive to confirm that things haven't changed).
Contact them at (612) 941-8024 (ask for Sarah if she's available).
The tour lasts from 30-60 minutes; depending on what's going on, how big the group is, who happens to be in the office that day, your questions, etc. It goes quickly.
2. Since their mailing address is a P.O. Box, you'll need to knpw how to find them. The office is in Eden Prairie. Rather than post directions or address information here, Best Brains has asked me to say that they would prefer anyone desiring a visit to call them to get directions. They want to prevent people from accidently sending mail to the wrong address instead of the PO Box, and their office is a little tricky to find anyone (one way roads and such). Given that their fan club is growing extremely large rapidly, this concern is understandable and I respect their wishes.
3. The good news is that the TOURS ARE FREE, you can often buy some of the MST3k merchandise there directly, and THEY ALLOW YOU TO TAKE PHOTOS! However, THEY DO NOT ALLOW VIDEO OR MOVIE CAMERAS.
Since the tour takes place on a real working day, people, props, and sets can be pretty disorganized. What you get to see sometimes depends on what is lying around. But, there is a chance you'll get to see/meet one of the familiar people involved in the production. If you promise not to feed them, they often will come over and talk for a while ;-).
Q. Do they sell merchandise?
A. Yes, through the information club. Currently available are T-shirts, posters, coffee mugs, lunch box, photos.
Q. Why are Tom Servo's hands flesh colored on the mug, lunchbox, and poster?
A. Tom Servo's hands and chest "engine" are now created by pouring plastic into a mold, because the original parts are hard to find. The plastic they use is the same plastic used in making hearing aids, hence the flesh color. They forgot to paint Tom's hands before taking the photos used in the mug, lunchbox, and poster.
Q. Why is Tom Servo's head a cylinder in a few episodes?
A. The folks at Best Brains thought it would look cool if Tom had a "haircut".
Q. Are there any questions that we don't have answers for yet?
A. Yup. Like:
How many times has SANDY FRANK been sung?
How many times has Tom Servo blown his head off? (3, we think)
How many grapes has Joel been seen eating?
How many visitors has the SOL had?
How many seats are there seen in the theater?
Q. Who wrote this stuff?
A. The people who contribute to the newsletter; I'm just the editor. Among the many folks who have sent along information, notes, and general silliness, are:
Keith Barrett, Jeremy Billones, Chuck Tomasi, Dale Holod, David Arnold, Nina Eppes, Frank G. Neves, Johnny Klonaris, Joshua R. Poulson, Patrick Fitzgerald, Ed Hughes, Ellen Sasse, Chad (Mr. B) Jackson, Marty Hoff, Larry Hastings, R'ykandar Korra'ti, William Harrison, Lon Ponschock, Todd Johnson, Mary Lynn Johnson, John D. Shull, Will Silver, Dave Spensley, Malcolm Austin, Lance Visser, Synth F. Oberheim, Donald Cotnoir-Strong, The Punster, and special thanks to Lisa Jenkins for voluminous updates and additions, and to Cliff Chaput for the large list of oft-repeated phrases.
If I've forgotten someone, please let me know.
Copyright Rich Kulawiec, 1991, 1992, 1993. Rip this off and we'll kill you with a forklift.
